Today I have just felt so happy. Everything is running smoothly and nothing can go wrong.
A lot has happened since last time I blogged. There was a massive storm in Perth and it ruined so many things. flooded homes, dented cars, trees fallen down everywhere.
It hit my house pretty hard. My walls were soaked with water leaking from the edges of the roof and it ruined all my photos and letters and pictures and songs and everything that was stuck to my wall. I was thinking, if I cry over a letter sent from one of my friends, because it gets wet and ruined, what's going to happen if I loose them completely? If one of them were to die, I don't know what I'd do. I don't think I could handle it. I'd regret not telling all my friends how much they mean to me. How amazing they are. So, just so all my beautiful, amazing friends know I love you guys.
And the day after my roof collapsed, but that's ok because now I get to sleep in the spare bedroom, downstairs away from everyone else and I get a double bed. The other good thing is that I moved everything to the other side of the room before it collapsed. I must be psychic.
No, not psychic, just ninja.
I had the best day today. So, I thought it was going to be a horrible day. I had maths homework that I hadn't done, a French oral I hadn't prepared for and today was the day the Call Back list for Sweet Charity came out. Despite this constant worrying (because if I don't get in mum will murder me) about the call backs, I did really well in the oral (I think) and Mrs Wheeler didn't ask to see the homework! Then along came lunch time. I was nervous and stressing and everything, and Shaz says to me "Come and we'll check the call back list." I went and on the way there we bumped into a group of people coming back from it and Sarah McBride says to Shaz "Hey Shaz! You got a call back! Well done!" My heart sank. I didn't get one, then she sees me and says "Lyndall, you too!" My jaw hit the ground and I felt like I was about to have a heart attack! I mean I know it's only call backs, and I don't have any chance of actually getting in, but it made me realise that if you just forget about what people think of you and you try your best, things will all turn out well.
It also made me realise 11:11 wishes do come true.
My grand-parents are coming over from Queensland on Saturday night and I actually can't wait to see them. They're always asking whether I'm hungry and constantly feeling the need to feed people. It's weird but I love them anyway.
I just have to put this quote in because I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH.
"You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing." - Michael Pritchard
Song Of the Blog:
I Don't Want To Be - Gavin DeGraw
It's just AWESOME SAUCE.
Over and Out, Lyndall
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
I'm ok, You're ok, It's not ok.
I'm ok.
I'm not ok.
I realised something today.
When war is over
And you find peace
Then you find a sudden release.
I'm ok. I'm ok.
For now.
You're ok.
You're not ok.
You cried today.
When all is quiet
And you hear no guns
You turn to see your closer ones.
You're ok. You're ok.
For now.
It's not ok.
It's ok.
It happened today.
When we were friends
I thought it true
I know now to not believe in you.
It's not ok. It's not ok.
For ever.
I'm not ok.
I realised something today.
When war is over
And you find peace
Then you find a sudden release.
I'm ok. I'm ok.
For now.
You're ok.
You're not ok.
You cried today.
When all is quiet
And you hear no guns
You turn to see your closer ones.
You're ok. You're ok.
For now.
It's not ok.
It's ok.
It happened today.
When we were friends
I thought it true
I know now to not believe in you.
It's not ok. It's not ok.
For ever.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Untitled
00
I stand-alone in a field of old, long grass. All I ever saw was it moving back and forward, counting how many times it would sway before the sun came up again. I’ll count the suns and moons, they’ll be easier to keep track of. I’ll stand here as long as I live, and stand here after I’ve died, until I slowly give in to the ground. I serve as nothing but a shade umbrella and a decoration. My leaves fall off once a year. I am a tree, and I have no purpose.
365
Today, she lost her shoe. She found a ladybug too, it made her smile. If only I could make her smile like that. She was so happy. The old straw grass was taller than her. She didn’t move much, just looked around while her mother played with the dog. The dog came up to her and licked her, and she fell over from laughter. She was so cute, and fragile. She could barely even walk, crawling everywhere, and getting dirt all over her little jeans.
730
Today, she ran in circles and fell over. Blood covered her knee. She was only little. So very fragile, she was. Like the smallest touch could break her. She cried until her mother came and got her. I wish I could have helped her. Could have comforted her. Could have told her it was going to be all right. She doesn’t know.
1,125
Her family had a celebration today. It was her birthday. She turned three. She didn’t cry today. Her eyes lit up when her mother brought out her cake. “Happy Birthday Ashley” was written in icing. Her eyes could’ve been stars. Her beautiful, dark blue eyes sparkled. She opened presents, and more and more people came to see her. Her mother got her a charm bracelet. It was silver, and had a small old-fashioned pram charm. She ran around with the other little people. Screaming, smiling, laughing, running, falling, getting back up, it was so happy. I desperately wanted to join them. I know I never will.
2,190
Almost everyday she’d walk straight past, on her way inside, in a grey and red uniform. She had her beautiful black curls tied back, and dirt on her knees. Sometimes she brought her friends, and I saw how much they had grown. She didn’t come to me much anymore. I wished she missed me as much as I missed her. How I hated the days she never came. She still wore the charm bracelet. Except now, it had three more charms. A pram, a bird, a heart and a leaf.
3,285
She came with a cast around her left arm today. I wondered what had happened. I hope she’ll be ok soon. She was just walking the dog today. Around and around. She didn’t have her charm bracelet either. The cast must get in the way of her wearing it.
4,745
She grew taller. Her visits became less and less frequent, and further apart. She only came late in the afternoons. She cried sometimes. Black make up ran down her cheeks and made her look so sad. She tried so hard, I could tell. She tried so hard to fit in, to look good, to be beautiful. Why can’t she be happy? Why would she need to cry? Why couldn’t she see? She was perfect, to me.
5,292
Today, she brought someone along. She never brought anyone here anymore, not even her mother. It was our place, where she didn’t need to say anything and I understood her perfectly. She brought a boy this time. He was slightly taller than her, with dirty brown hair. His eyes were like ice. I didn’t trust them, or him. She seemed so happy with him. Forgetting I was even there.
5, 299
She came here again today. If I could’ve smiled I would have. She was so beautiful. Stunning. The hate I felt when I saw him walking up the hill towards her was tremendous. I could’ve fallen on top of him, squished him. Crush him like a bug. That would show him. That would show him to stay away from her. She was too perfect for him, too perfect for anyone.
5,300
He was here. I could see his footprints. I hated them. This was my land, and I didn’t want him here. I don’t ever want to see him and his baggy pants ever again. I could just hurt him. I wish I could protect her. Today, he kissed her. His unworthy lips on her perfect ones. He had kidnapped her heart, and I could see it was fading away on the horizon.
5, 306
He clung to her hand today like he was holding on for dear life. He played with her hair, and hugged her from behind. She smiled so much. I could do nothing. I couldn’t do anything to stop him. I didn’t want to either. If she was happy, then I was fine. I missed her though. She had found someone, something else. Just like the charm bracelet, and the ladybug, and her friends from when she was younger, she found something to smile about, something. And then I knew that something would never be me.
5, 307
He brought her along this time. They lied down in the long grass. Again, he felt so worthy of her hand, her smile, her kiss. How could he compare? I had always been here, with no other motive every day but to see her face. Since she was only two feet tall, since she started school, he hadn’t been there, waiting.
5, 313
The sun shone today but it was far from good. I wished he wouldn’t come today. I wish he never existed, but who cares what an old oak’s opinion is? No one would know. No one will ever know. He held her hand, and led her over to me. He helped her up to sit on my lowest branch. Then he pulled out his knife. I didn’t know what he was doing until I saw him put one arm on me to keep his balance and dug in the knife.
He pushed so hard, carving into my bark. When he finally moved away from the tree, I felt it. Felt the heart and the four letters he’d carved into me. A.H + K.Y, it said, surrounded by a heart. This was his mark. It was as if he knew what I thought. He knew how much I despised him, how much I wished I could’ve been him. She laughed at how he had cut my bark, and that’s what really cut. She thought it was sweet. It wasn’t. I saw straight through him. One day, he’ll leave and I wont be here to help her.
5,365
The one good thing about this day was that she came, without him. Everything else was bad. It hadn’t rained in so long, and there were finally clouds lingering in the sky. The wind blew so fast that your hair was almost covering your face. But then, then you pushed it behind your ear and I saw your beautiful face, but not your beautiful smile. I saw your tears, streaking your face with black mascara. You looked at me, eyes fixed the entire time. I finally thought you understood. I thought you saw me. Thought you knew that I cared for you more than anything else in the world. But you didn’t. You came to me and fell onto your knees. Still crying you looked at my scar and screamed. Again and again. You said “No!” You said, “I don’t need you.” And after you finished yelling at me, you stood up and ran your fingers through your hair. You hugged me and whispered, “I miss you.” The worst part was, you weren’t hugging me. You were hugging what was left of him.
100,000,000
Today, she never came. I didn’t see her bright smile coming up the hill. I didn’t see her black curls flow down in the wind. Today, she never came.
Tomorrow, she will not come. I wont see her face, or her glowing eyes. I wont see her worn out jeans, or her silver charm bracelet she had since she was three. Tomorrow, she will not come.
I stand-alone in a field of old, long grass. All I ever saw was it moving back and forward, counting how many times it would sway before the sun came up again. I’ll count the suns and moons, they’ll be easier to keep track of. I’ll stand here as long as I live, and stand here after I’ve died, until I slowly give in to the ground. I serve as nothing but a shade umbrella and a decoration. My leaves fall off once a year. I am a tree, and I have no purpose.
365
Today, she lost her shoe. She found a ladybug too, it made her smile. If only I could make her smile like that. She was so happy. The old straw grass was taller than her. She didn’t move much, just looked around while her mother played with the dog. The dog came up to her and licked her, and she fell over from laughter. She was so cute, and fragile. She could barely even walk, crawling everywhere, and getting dirt all over her little jeans.
730
Today, she ran in circles and fell over. Blood covered her knee. She was only little. So very fragile, she was. Like the smallest touch could break her. She cried until her mother came and got her. I wish I could have helped her. Could have comforted her. Could have told her it was going to be all right. She doesn’t know.
1,125
Her family had a celebration today. It was her birthday. She turned three. She didn’t cry today. Her eyes lit up when her mother brought out her cake. “Happy Birthday Ashley” was written in icing. Her eyes could’ve been stars. Her beautiful, dark blue eyes sparkled. She opened presents, and more and more people came to see her. Her mother got her a charm bracelet. It was silver, and had a small old-fashioned pram charm. She ran around with the other little people. Screaming, smiling, laughing, running, falling, getting back up, it was so happy. I desperately wanted to join them. I know I never will.
2,190
Almost everyday she’d walk straight past, on her way inside, in a grey and red uniform. She had her beautiful black curls tied back, and dirt on her knees. Sometimes she brought her friends, and I saw how much they had grown. She didn’t come to me much anymore. I wished she missed me as much as I missed her. How I hated the days she never came. She still wore the charm bracelet. Except now, it had three more charms. A pram, a bird, a heart and a leaf.
3,285
She came with a cast around her left arm today. I wondered what had happened. I hope she’ll be ok soon. She was just walking the dog today. Around and around. She didn’t have her charm bracelet either. The cast must get in the way of her wearing it.
4,745
She grew taller. Her visits became less and less frequent, and further apart. She only came late in the afternoons. She cried sometimes. Black make up ran down her cheeks and made her look so sad. She tried so hard, I could tell. She tried so hard to fit in, to look good, to be beautiful. Why can’t she be happy? Why would she need to cry? Why couldn’t she see? She was perfect, to me.
5,292
Today, she brought someone along. She never brought anyone here anymore, not even her mother. It was our place, where she didn’t need to say anything and I understood her perfectly. She brought a boy this time. He was slightly taller than her, with dirty brown hair. His eyes were like ice. I didn’t trust them, or him. She seemed so happy with him. Forgetting I was even there.
5, 299
She came here again today. If I could’ve smiled I would have. She was so beautiful. Stunning. The hate I felt when I saw him walking up the hill towards her was tremendous. I could’ve fallen on top of him, squished him. Crush him like a bug. That would show him. That would show him to stay away from her. She was too perfect for him, too perfect for anyone.
5,300
He was here. I could see his footprints. I hated them. This was my land, and I didn’t want him here. I don’t ever want to see him and his baggy pants ever again. I could just hurt him. I wish I could protect her. Today, he kissed her. His unworthy lips on her perfect ones. He had kidnapped her heart, and I could see it was fading away on the horizon.
5, 306
He clung to her hand today like he was holding on for dear life. He played with her hair, and hugged her from behind. She smiled so much. I could do nothing. I couldn’t do anything to stop him. I didn’t want to either. If she was happy, then I was fine. I missed her though. She had found someone, something else. Just like the charm bracelet, and the ladybug, and her friends from when she was younger, she found something to smile about, something. And then I knew that something would never be me.
5, 307
He brought her along this time. They lied down in the long grass. Again, he felt so worthy of her hand, her smile, her kiss. How could he compare? I had always been here, with no other motive every day but to see her face. Since she was only two feet tall, since she started school, he hadn’t been there, waiting.
5, 313
The sun shone today but it was far from good. I wished he wouldn’t come today. I wish he never existed, but who cares what an old oak’s opinion is? No one would know. No one will ever know. He held her hand, and led her over to me. He helped her up to sit on my lowest branch. Then he pulled out his knife. I didn’t know what he was doing until I saw him put one arm on me to keep his balance and dug in the knife.
He pushed so hard, carving into my bark. When he finally moved away from the tree, I felt it. Felt the heart and the four letters he’d carved into me. A.H + K.Y, it said, surrounded by a heart. This was his mark. It was as if he knew what I thought. He knew how much I despised him, how much I wished I could’ve been him. She laughed at how he had cut my bark, and that’s what really cut. She thought it was sweet. It wasn’t. I saw straight through him. One day, he’ll leave and I wont be here to help her.
5,365
The one good thing about this day was that she came, without him. Everything else was bad. It hadn’t rained in so long, and there were finally clouds lingering in the sky. The wind blew so fast that your hair was almost covering your face. But then, then you pushed it behind your ear and I saw your beautiful face, but not your beautiful smile. I saw your tears, streaking your face with black mascara. You looked at me, eyes fixed the entire time. I finally thought you understood. I thought you saw me. Thought you knew that I cared for you more than anything else in the world. But you didn’t. You came to me and fell onto your knees. Still crying you looked at my scar and screamed. Again and again. You said “No!” You said, “I don’t need you.” And after you finished yelling at me, you stood up and ran your fingers through your hair. You hugged me and whispered, “I miss you.” The worst part was, you weren’t hugging me. You were hugging what was left of him.
100,000,000
Today, she never came. I didn’t see her bright smile coming up the hill. I didn’t see her black curls flow down in the wind. Today, she never came.
Tomorrow, she will not come. I wont see her face, or her glowing eyes. I wont see her worn out jeans, or her silver charm bracelet she had since she was three. Tomorrow, she will not come.
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