Uniforms

I hate it when you go to a school, and just because you go to that school, people hate you.

It's like, racism, except on uniforms.

I'll tell you about a few of my own experiences of people being uniform-racist:

In year seven, I lived in a small country down in the central-west of New South Wales. It was nice, cute, quiet. I went to one of the most well known schools in the state, and it was a private school. I had this one good friend and her birthday was coming up, so naturally, she had a party. The thing was, she went to a different school, and everyone else that was invited, went to that school. So, on the night of the sleepover, I arrived fashionably late, put on the best birthday outfit I could find and gave Janelle her birthday present. Things were going well. Great food, good music, people were talking to me, we were all having a great time and then Abbey asked what school I went to. I quietly replied, and ever since I answered that one question, no one spoke to me. They sat on he opposite side of the room. No one stood next to me when we were standing around the table, singing happy birthday. I never understood why.

It got worse. Over the years I moved to a different house, and then started catching a different bus. I was called wrong names like 'slut' and 'whore'. None of them ever got to me though. I just wanted people to give me a chance.

Another time I experienced uniform-ism (haha) was just the other week at a Careers Expo. I don't even know what school it was, but as we were getting off our buses, they were getting on theirs. They said various things. Mostly 'snobs' or 'lesbians' or just the finger. Just because we go to an all-girls school, doesn't mean we are lesbians.

I'm also so seriously sick of people bullying other people. Do they think it's cool to call someone a 'rank bitch'? Do they think they're gaining any respect from saying 'you're an annoying tool', or, 'you have no friends'? Well, certainly not from me. I like to fight for what I believe in. I believe bullying isn't fair. Fighting isn't right. Why do people do it!? Seriously, it's cruel and annoying.

Lately, I've had a lot of bullying, but then again, I've experienced it a lot. By calling someone ugly, it doesn't make you any prettier. By calling someone stupid, doesn't make you any smarter. By calling someone weak, doesn't make you any stronger. It just makes you look rude, arrogant and stupid. So, next time you go to start a fight with someone, make sure it has purpose.

At the end of the day, you've still got your friends. You've still got your family. You shouldn't need to be good enough for anyone but yourself.

Song Of The Blog:
I Don't Want To Be - David McGraw
Haha, The Hills, truly inspiring song.

Over and Out,
Lyndall

Life.

The sad thing about life is, you never really know how amazing it is. I mean, you have on average 82 years to live. That’s 29,930 days. That’s 718,320 hours and 43,099,200 minutes. That’s 2,585,952,000 seconds. Now when you look at the amount of seconds is, you think “wow that’s quite a lot!” but really it’s not. If you see how many seconds there are in a day (which 86,400) that’s not really that much. and then you minus about 32,400 (9 hours) for sleeping, you’re left with about 54,000 seconds left to actually do things in one day. I find this extremely depressing. Also to know that I am spending a fair few seconds bothering to write about how many seconds you have on average.

People, you don’t understand how lucky you are. You’ve got this whole life to do amazing things and there are so many things we miss out on. You don’t want to get to your later years and think to yourself “I should’ve done this while I could.” which you shouldn’t be saying anyway because you’re never too old or too young to try new things. Live your life to the fullest.

Then you have the people who aren’t average. Those who have disabilities, diseases, conditions, and cancers. These people aren’t so lucky. So next time you reach for your cigarette or drink, think about how many seconds you are wasting, how many days are wasting and how many people would kill to have a life as long as yours.

Take it from someone who knows.

Over and Out, Lyndall.

I love being happy. :)

Today I have just felt so happy. Everything is running smoothly and nothing can go wrong.

A lot has happened since last time I blogged. There was a massive storm in Perth and it ruined so many things. flooded homes, dented cars, trees fallen down everywhere.

It hit my house pretty hard. My walls were soaked with water leaking from the edges of the roof and it ruined all my photos and letters and pictures and songs and everything that was stuck to my wall. I was thinking, if I cry over a letter sent from one of my friends, because it gets wet and ruined, what's going to happen if I loose them completely? If one of them were to die, I don't know what I'd do. I don't think I could handle it. I'd regret not telling all my friends how much they mean to me. How amazing they are. So, just so all my beautiful, amazing friends know I love you guys.

And the day after my roof collapsed, but that's ok because now I get to sleep in the spare bedroom, downstairs away from everyone else and I get a double bed. The other good thing is that I moved everything to the other side of the room before it collapsed. I must be psychic.

No, not psychic, just ninja.

I had the best day today. So, I thought it was going to be a horrible day. I had maths homework that I hadn't done, a French oral I hadn't prepared for and today was the day the Call Back list for Sweet Charity came out. Despite this constant worrying (because if I don't get in mum will murder me) about the call backs, I did really well in the oral (I think) and Mrs Wheeler didn't ask to see the homework! Then along came lunch time. I was nervous and stressing and everything, and Shaz says to me "Come and we'll check the call back list." I went and on the way there we bumped into a group of people coming back from it and Sarah McBride says to Shaz "Hey Shaz! You got a call back! Well done!" My heart sank. I didn't get one, then she sees me and says "Lyndall, you too!" My jaw hit the ground and I felt like I was about to have a heart attack! I mean I know it's only call backs, and I don't have any chance of actually getting in, but it made me realise that if you just forget about what people think of you and you try your best, things will all turn out well.

It also made me realise 11:11 wishes do come true.

My grand-parents are coming over from Queensland on Saturday night and I actually can't wait to see them. They're always asking whether I'm hungry and constantly feeling the need to feed people. It's weird but I love them anyway.

I just have to put this quote in because I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH.

"You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing." - Michael Pritchard

Song Of the Blog:
I Don't Want To Be - Gavin DeGraw
It's just AWESOME SAUCE.

Over and Out, Lyndall

I'm ok, You're ok, It's not ok.

I'm ok.

I'm not ok.
I realised something today.
When war is over
And you find peace
Then you find a sudden release.
I'm ok. I'm ok.
For now.

You're ok.

You're not ok.
You cried today.
When all is quiet
And you hear no guns
You turn to see your closer ones.
You're ok. You're ok.
For now.

It's not ok.

It's ok.
It happened today.
When we were friends
I thought it true
I know now to not believe in you.
It's not ok. It's not ok.
For ever.

Untitled

00
I stand-alone in a field of old, long grass. All I ever saw was it moving back and forward, counting how many times it would sway before the sun came up again. I’ll count the suns and moons, they’ll be easier to keep track of. I’ll stand here as long as I live, and stand here after I’ve died, until I slowly give in to the ground. I serve as nothing but a shade umbrella and a decoration. My leaves fall off once a year. I am a tree, and I have no purpose.

365
Today, she lost her shoe. She found a ladybug too, it made her smile. If only I could make her smile like that. She was so happy. The old straw grass was taller than her. She didn’t move much, just looked around while her mother played with the dog. The dog came up to her and licked her, and she fell over from laughter. She was so cute, and fragile. She could barely even walk, crawling everywhere, and getting dirt all over her little jeans.

730
Today, she ran in circles and fell over. Blood covered her knee. She was only little. So very fragile, she was. Like the smallest touch could break her. She cried until her mother came and got her. I wish I could have helped her. Could have comforted her. Could have told her it was going to be all right. She doesn’t know.

1,125
Her family had a celebration today. It was her birthday. She turned three. She didn’t cry today. Her eyes lit up when her mother brought out her cake. “Happy Birthday Ashley” was written in icing. Her eyes could’ve been stars. Her beautiful, dark blue eyes sparkled. She opened presents, and more and more people came to see her. Her mother got her a charm bracelet. It was silver, and had a small old-fashioned pram charm. She ran around with the other little people. Screaming, smiling, laughing, running, falling, getting back up, it was so happy. I desperately wanted to join them. I know I never will.

2,190
Almost everyday she’d walk straight past, on her way inside, in a grey and red uniform. She had her beautiful black curls tied back, and dirt on her knees. Sometimes she brought her friends, and I saw how much they had grown. She didn’t come to me much anymore. I wished she missed me as much as I missed her. How I hated the days she never came. She still wore the charm bracelet. Except now, it had three more charms. A pram, a bird, a heart and a leaf.

3,285
She came with a cast around her left arm today. I wondered what had happened. I hope she’ll be ok soon. She was just walking the dog today. Around and around. She didn’t have her charm bracelet either. The cast must get in the way of her wearing it.

4,745
She grew taller. Her visits became less and less frequent, and further apart. She only came late in the afternoons. She cried sometimes. Black make up ran down her cheeks and made her look so sad. She tried so hard, I could tell. She tried so hard to fit in, to look good, to be beautiful. Why can’t she be happy? Why would she need to cry? Why couldn’t she see? She was perfect, to me.

5,292
Today, she brought someone along. She never brought anyone here anymore, not even her mother. It was our place, where she didn’t need to say anything and I understood her perfectly. She brought a boy this time. He was slightly taller than her, with dirty brown hair. His eyes were like ice. I didn’t trust them, or him. She seemed so happy with him. Forgetting I was even there.

5, 299
She came here again today. If I could’ve smiled I would have. She was so beautiful. Stunning. The hate I felt when I saw him walking up the hill towards her was tremendous. I could’ve fallen on top of him, squished him. Crush him like a bug. That would show him. That would show him to stay away from her. She was too perfect for him, too perfect for anyone.

5,300
He was here. I could see his footprints. I hated them. This was my land, and I didn’t want him here. I don’t ever want to see him and his baggy pants ever again. I could just hurt him. I wish I could protect her. Today, he kissed her. His unworthy lips on her perfect ones. He had kidnapped her heart, and I could see it was fading away on the horizon.

5, 306
He clung to her hand today like he was holding on for dear life. He played with her hair, and hugged her from behind. She smiled so much. I could do nothing. I couldn’t do anything to stop him. I didn’t want to either. If she was happy, then I was fine. I missed her though. She had found someone, something else. Just like the charm bracelet, and the ladybug, and her friends from when she was younger, she found something to smile about, something. And then I knew that something would never be me.

5, 307
He brought her along this time. They lied down in the long grass. Again, he felt so worthy of her hand, her smile, her kiss. How could he compare? I had always been here, with no other motive every day but to see her face. Since she was only two feet tall, since she started school, he hadn’t been there, waiting.

5, 313
The sun shone today but it was far from good. I wished he wouldn’t come today. I wish he never existed, but who cares what an old oak’s opinion is? No one would know. No one will ever know. He held her hand, and led her over to me. He helped her up to sit on my lowest branch. Then he pulled out his knife. I didn’t know what he was doing until I saw him put one arm on me to keep his balance and dug in the knife.
He pushed so hard, carving into my bark. When he finally moved away from the tree, I felt it. Felt the heart and the four letters he’d carved into me. A.H + K.Y, it said, surrounded by a heart. This was his mark. It was as if he knew what I thought. He knew how much I despised him, how much I wished I could’ve been him. She laughed at how he had cut my bark, and that’s what really cut. She thought it was sweet. It wasn’t. I saw straight through him. One day, he’ll leave and I wont be here to help her.

5,365
The one good thing about this day was that she came, without him. Everything else was bad. It hadn’t rained in so long, and there were finally clouds lingering in the sky. The wind blew so fast that your hair was almost covering your face. But then, then you pushed it behind your ear and I saw your beautiful face, but not your beautiful smile. I saw your tears, streaking your face with black mascara. You looked at me, eyes fixed the entire time. I finally thought you understood. I thought you saw me. Thought you knew that I cared for you more than anything else in the world. But you didn’t. You came to me and fell onto your knees. Still crying you looked at my scar and screamed. Again and again. You said “No!” You said, “I don’t need you.” And after you finished yelling at me, you stood up and ran your fingers through your hair. You hugged me and whispered, “I miss you.” The worst part was, you weren’t hugging me. You were hugging what was left of him.

100,000,000
Today, she never came. I didn’t see her bright smile coming up the hill. I didn’t see her black curls flow down in the wind. Today, she never came.

Tomorrow, she will not come. I wont see her face, or her glowing eyes. I wont see her worn out jeans, or her silver charm bracelet she had since she was three. Tomorrow, she will not come.

People

Have you ever met a person you like instantly? You start up a conversation and it never ends? I love meeting these sort of people. You can talk about sports, food, hobbies, problems, anything and it just feels right.

Have you ever met a person who gives amazingly good hugs? No matter what your mood is, when they hug you, it makes you feel just fantastic! Not too tight, not too loose. They're not too short, or too tall. Perfection!

Do you have a best friend? Not someone who you know talks about you behind your back, not someone who's two-faced, not someone who you pretend to be friends with and not someone that you know wont be your friend for long. I'm talking about the real deal. Someone who you can trust with anything, someone that if you wanted to, could know everything about you and it wouldn't matter. Someone who doesn't judge you, who really cares about you and no matter what, you'll always love.

Do you have someone you hate? Someone that no matter how hard you try you just cannot STAND being anywhere near. Who talks about you behind your back, that knows that you'll never be friends with. Someone who, if you had the chance, you'd punch in the face as hard as you could because you just can't handle how irritating they are.

Do you have someone you love? Someone who understands and cares for you more than themselves. A person who you would trust with your life and will always remember, and always want to be with. Your other half, the person who makes you feel complete, and that no matter what else is going on its okay, cos you have them.

It's these people who build us. Who shape our future, who destroy our past. They make us stronger, and build up our walls. They bring them down, and come inside. They help us to be everything we want to be, and everything we don't.

These people are the building blocks, and no matter how much you love them or hate them they play a vital part in who you've been, who you will be and who you are.

Song Of the Blog:
20 Good Reasons - Thirsty Merc
So good!
Sorry Oli, next post i promise.

Over and Out, Lyndall.

Long time no...

It's officially been over 2 weeks since I last posted and I thought that you guys might want some new emotional shiz.
Too... Bad...

I'm pretty non-emotional at the moment. Which is good! Feeling happy and alive and just... WOO!

I'm 15 now for those who didn't know. I got a pandora bracelet for my birthday, which is basically the opposite of what I wanted, which was a skateboard or PS3 (and Assassin's Creed, haha Rob...) but you know, that's ok.

I had a Valentine which was cool. Did anyone else get one?

The other day at school, we were given a speech/presentation on what we can do for others. The guy speaking (who I have forgotten the name of) said that the best gift you can give is a smile. Great speech mate, and I thought it had a good lesson in there. He also was talking about how everyone knows at least one person that you see and you just turn and try to run away because they're always sad and just ruin your mood. I know a few people who do this, so please, if you're sad tell me about it... but don't complain about everything 24/7. Life really can't be that bad if you've got me (jokes). But seriously, don't worry about it, everything happens for a reason and it will all be good in the end. Look on the bright side, and YES, there is ALWAYS a bright side.

Lately I've been so upset about not being in Melbourne. I can't stop thinking about it, I can't stop reading old letters from my friends, I even paraded around the house in my Canterbury uniform! Then to make things worse, mum gave me a letter from my best friend Steph and it took me like an hour to read cos i was crying so much. I just want to go back. I mean I love Perth, and everyone here but Melbourne just feels like home and I miss it so much. After the letter I read Steph's blog which also made me cry. Honestly Melbourne, why do I love you so much? (Stupid question). Keerthana, I hope you had an awesome 16th birthday. You're too sexy for your shirt, have some legal sex already! The good news is that my friends are all coming over here while I have to live in this hole (WHOOPS!). Chantal's hopefully coming next month, Sophie's been, Heidi's coming, Tevvi's coming and I will definitely be flying Steph over too. I love you guys.

I SAID NO EMOTIONAL STUFF. Streuth.

Yesterday at school, Sonja and I were talking about some myspace page that a girl in our year has created. Apparently it has something she hates about everyone in our year. On one hand I really want to know what it says about me, but I really do think it's pathetic. If your life is really sad enough that you have to make a 'bitch page' about your peers, you have issues. No one knows who it is, but I heard some girls talking about it the other day and I heard some names mentioned too. It doesn't matter though, just as long as people remember not to listen to the rubbish they say because we all know they're pathetic, and if they're going to be such a bully, they don't get the satisfaction of seeing you cry.

Sorry to leave on such a bad note, but it's hard being called some of the things it says on there. Take it from someone who knows.

Song of the blog is:
Bad Reputation - Halfcocked
So good to dance and air guitar to.
....not that I do that.

Over and Out, Lyndall.